


This Moment Could Feel So Normal

by greatdumbking



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Episode: s02e13 The Last Dragonlord, M/M, dragonlord reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 12:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5967249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greatdumbking/pseuds/greatdumbking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Arthur found out that Balinor was Merlin's father? An exploration of their relationship, and the trust they are willing to extend to each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Moment Could Feel So Normal

This moment could feel so normal. Together in the woods, the fire dying down almost but never completely. Merlin leans against the sturdy trunk behind him, while Arthur dozes as the last of the light leaves the sky. Countless times they’ve shared these moments. Countless times they've been beautiful. The atmosphere created by the weaved fabrics of trust and familiarity was ever present between them in moments such as these. 

This moment could feel so normal. 

Merlin took in a shaky breath. He was trying to hold himself together in a way he knew was eventually impossible. It had only taken a few words from Gaius and now he was falling apart completely. 

"The man you are looking for is your father."

Your father.

Those two words only spoken in hushed tones by his mother so he knew not to question. So he knew to never expect anything from them. And now he had been given the chance he barely allowed himself to hold onto all of his days since those first hushed words. 

Merlin slowly pushed himself from the tree. He knew he was falling apart and he couldn’t let Arthur see. The trust they shared wasn’t real, however real it felt.  
He walked until he came to a clearing, and he let the dam break. He fell apart. Mourning his mother's happiness, his lost childhood, and now his father. And now that the dam was broken, all of the years of loneliness poured out for what seemed like hours. 

\----------------------

Arthur woke to a strangled sound, not too far away. He looked up from his makeshift bed to see Merlin was not anywhere to be seen. His mind jumped to the worst possible situation- something was wrong. He grabbed his sword from the ground and quietly made his way towards the sound of what he assumed was Merlin crying in fear or pain. A sense of panic welled in his chest at that thought, but he kept on moving. 

As he approached Merlin's clearing, the fear faded, as he saw Merlin sitting alone, hunched over and leaning against a log. He was not only crying, but sobbing. A new sort of panic bloomed. Arthur had no idea how to comfort the obviously distraught Merlin. First off, he didn't know what was wrong, and second, the only was he knew how to fix a situation was by usually punching something. 

Then a thought hit him- Merlin was here because he didn’t want Arthur to see. Arthur had begun to notice that especially on this trip, Merlin was drifting away from him. No longer did he feel they were completely open to each other. Merlin might not know, but he was Arthur's only true friend. Now Arthur was beginning to suspect that the friendship did not go both ways. Merlin didn't trust Arthur to see him cry. And now Merlin was all alone.

Arthur made up his mind to not let that happen. Merlin might not turn to Arthur for comfort as a friend, but he would make goddamn sure that he was there if he was needed. So he put down his sword and made his entrance to the clearing audible so as not to alert Merlin. At that, Merlin's head snapped up with an expression that could only be described as fear, with his tired, tearstained eyes. Almost at once, he turned away and began to wipe his eyes, just as he had done earlier that day after that Dragonlord's death. He made to stand up, but Arthur made his way over to Merlin and sat beside him on the ground, knees touching, and waited.  
\----------  
A while passed, as Merlin refused to meet Arthur's eyes, and he tried to gain control of his emotions. What could he possibly tell Arthur to explain? There is no way he could tell him about Balinor without Arthur eventually figuring out that he was a dragonlord, and had magic. But sitting here beside Arthur, him silently waiting and not probing, instilled a wave of fondness for this man who he had slowly grown to secretly love. He didn’t believe for one second that Arthur would execute him, or betray him to Uther. It was the destruction of their friendship which time after time scared Merlin away from revealing the truth. 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Arthur said in an unsure tone, after figuring that Merlin wasn't going to volunteer any information. Still Merlin stayed silent. He didn’t trust himself to speak without breaking down or revealing his secret. 

"Look, I know that yesterday I said we weren't friends, because I'm the prince, but-" 

At this Merlin looked up and met Arthur's eyes. Arthur looked away.

"But that was a lie. You are my friend Merlin. You're probably my only friend, truth be told." He said with a nervous laugh, and cautiously looked back at Merlin, who was still watching him, before staring at the ground again. 

"And, well, yeah. If you don't want to talk about it, that’s fine, but, well. But I am here if you need me. For anything. You know, as a friend." 

Arthur sat awkwardly, not knowing if he should stay or go. But then Merlin spoke. 

"You know what it's like to lose a parent." He said in a small wavering voice. 

"Is Hunith alright?" Arthur quickly asked, eyes widening. 

"No she's fine" Merlin said shaking his head. "It's my father I lost." He continued, voice cracking. He looked away once again to hide his tears. 

Arthur was confused. Why was Merlin upset now about his absent father? Why now of all times?

Merlin was panicking. He hadn't meant to tell Arthur. But here he was, reaffirming everything Merlin had thought about their relationship. They were friends. He could trust Arthur. 

"Balinor." Merlin managed to choke out. 

\------

There was a few moments of silence in which Arthur’s mind was blank.

Then it all crashed down in a whirlwind of thought. Balinor was Merlin's father? Had Merlin known? Balinor was married to Hunith? Hunith had hidden a dragonlord from Uther? The realizations slowly dawned on him one by one. 

Merlin took a deep breath and began to talk. " Gaius told me just before we left that the man we were looking for was my father. I've never had a father Arthur. I wanted... I just wanted... and now he's gone." Merlin was beginning to break down again. Arthur hesitantly put a hand around Merlin's shoulder sat there in what he hoped was a comforting way. His mind was still full of questions and doubts, but he decided Merlin was more important in this moment. 

While they sat there, Merlin slowly regaining his composure, Arthur had a sudden thought. 

"Merlin. Did Gaius not say that dragonlord abilities were passed from father to son?" He asked slowly. 

Panic once again spread over Merlin’s face. Arthur didn’t understand why. This could be brilliant news! There was a chance at saving Camelot after all, and Merlin would get to be the hero. 

“Merlin if this is true you could be the one to save the city. And my father would reward you.”

“Your father would have me burned.” Merlin said quietly. 

“What- why would you say that?” 

Merlin stared at Arthur. “You really think that Uther would allow a dragonlord to live? After he spent years hunting and killing them like dogs? He would force me to help and then dispose of me.” Merlin had obviously thought a lot about this, and Arthur had to admit that he was probably right. Merlin looked away before continuing “And even if he didn’t, I wouldn’t be allowed to stay. He’d never allow a sorcerer around the crown prince.”

“Who said anything about a sorcerer? Being a dragonlord is completely different! And if it’s my father you’re worried about we could find a way to kill the dragon without him knowing it was you! Lure it out to a field or something, I don’t know how dragonlord abilities work.” 

Merlin looked extremely uncomfortable about something before slightly nodding. 

“Come on, let’s go back to the camp. We can talk about it in the morning. You should get some rest” Arthur suggested. 

“You go, I’m going to stay here for a bit” Merlin said as Arthur stood up. 

As Arthur walked back across the clearing to the campsite, he started to mentally kick himself. He had made the whole conversation about Camelot rather than saying what Merlin probably needed to hear about losing a member of his family. To be fair, Camelot was important, but he could tell Merlin was still extremely upset. So he hesitated for a moment before turning around awkwardly and saying “ I really am sorry about Balinor.” Merlin said nothing. Not knowing what else to say, Arthur turned around and continued back to the camp.  
\--------  
As soon as Arthur left, Merlin felt as if he could breathe again. Telling Arthur had been risky, but scarier still was that Merlin had been contemplating telling Arthur about his magic too. He had all but admitted it by calling himself a sorcerer, but Arthur being the thick headed idiot he was, had misinterpreted him. He didn’t know if he was relieved or disappointed. If secret were to be spilt, they might as well have all gotten out. 

But Merlin was safe for now. He could trust Arthur not to tell Uther, and he could order Kilgharrah to leave Camelot. He would have to make sure the dragon didn’t make it obvious they already knew each other, but other than that, everything would be fine. 

Everything would be fine. Except for that it wasn’t. His father was dead. And he had continued to betray Arthur.

After a while Merlin felt that he had the strength to return to Arthur at the camp. He knew Arthur was pretending to sleep, and he was grateful.  
\-----  
The next morning Merlin woke to Arthur tending to the fire, which was a rare but not unwelcome sight. Arthur noticed Merlin stirring.

“Oh good you’re up.” He started, sounding uncertain. “We had better get moving, we really have no time to waste, the castle could be in ruins for all we know.”

“Right, right. I’ll just get everything packed up then.” Merlin’s eyes were red from crying, but he was determined not to show any forms of weakness after the almost-disaster last night. 

As Arthur helped him pack up the campsite, Merlin noticed the wary glances Arthur was giving him, which continued after they set out on foot. Their journey was mostly quiet, save for a few attempts at conversation about just what it was that a dragonlord could do. Merlin kept insisting that he didn’t know, and would probably figure out when the time came. They decided that they would stop a few miles from the city, and find a large clearing in which they could summon and then banish the dragon. If that worked, they could return to the castle and pretend they knew nothing about the plight of the dragon. Everyone would assume it had just gotten tired of attacking. 

Arthur would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried. Merlin was so… well he just didn’t know if Merlin would be able to handle this strength he was given. 

When they neared the castle it was late at night. Arthur knew of a small field far enough from the castle to be safe, so it was there where they stopped. Merlin looked uncomfortable so Arthur asked cautiously “Do you still want to do this?”

Merlin nodded. “Maybe you should hide, though. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Same goes for you, Merlin. I’m staying.”

With a look of resignation, Merlin nodded again.

“So, how does this work? Have you any idea?”

Merlin smiled sadly and turned away from him, and suddenly Arthur heard an unearthly sound, and realized it was coming from his friend. It was like shouting, but somehow inexplicably more powerful. Arthur was frozen on the spot. Seeing such strength in Merlin was something he’d never expected. 

"O drakon, fthengomai au se kalon su katerkheo deuro!"

As Merlin continued, they started to hear the slow, powerful wingbeats that could only have come from the dragon. As it came into sight, Arthur was filled with fear, not for himself, but for Merlin, who had no means of defending himself if somehow this plan failed. The dragon landed and looked quizzically from Merlin to Arthur. 

"Drakon. Non didlkai. Kari miss, epsipass imalla krat. Katostar abore ceriss. Katicu. Me ta sentende divoless. Kar…kriass."

“I am the last of my kind Merlin. Whatever wrongs I have done, do not make me responsible for the death of my noble breed.”

How did the dragon know Merlin’s name?

“GO. LEAVE. IF YOU EVER ATTACK CAMELOT AGAIN, I WILL KILL YOU.” Merlin shouted. He was on the verge of tears. Arthur was in awe. Never had he seen Merlin so… powerful. Or emotional. It sent shivers down his spine. 

“I have shown you mercy, now you must do the same for others” Merlin continued in his strange voice. 

“Merlin, what you have shown is what you will be. Young prince, you are lucky to have this man by your side. You are two sides of the same coin, and today has shown your future may yet be bright.” 

“What exactly do you mean, dragon? My future may yet be bright? Is that a threat?” Arthur replied defiantly.

“It is not your future, Arthur Pendragon, it is the future you two will built together. I will not forget your clemency, Merlin. I am sure our paths will meet again.”

And with that, the dragon flew off, and the two were left standing alone in the field. Arthur turned immediately to Merlin. 

“That was bloody brilliant Merlin!” He went over and slapped him on the back whilst grinning like a maniac. 

And Merlin grinned back, even though his eyes were tearstained. A real smile. Arthur hadn’t seen him smile in the past week. 

And together, they made their way back to the castle.  
\------  
A week later, after everything had seemingly returned to normal, Merlin was cleaning Arthur’s room as Arthur wrote a particularly long speech.  
Suddenly Arthur broke the comfortable silence. 

“What did the dragon mean by us being ‘two sides of a coin’ or whatever he said? And that we’d build a future together? Or something.” Startled, Merlin looked up. He had hoped Arthur would forget what the dragon said. This was dangerous territory. 

“How should I know? It sounded like a load of bollocks if you ask me. It’s not like I’d be able to help you build a future. I mean, you’ll be king, and I’m just a servant.” He tried to come off as confident and nonchalant as possible. 

Arthur took a deep breath. “I mean, I thought it sounded like he was talking about you as if you were my wife.” He laughed nervously. That took Merlin by surprise. It’s not as if Merlin hadn’t thought about what it would be like to be with Arthur. He thought about it quite a bit. This territory had just gotten twice as dangerous. 

“Don’t be daft. He was probably just talking about how you need clean armour to save the land or whatever you’ll end up doing when you’re king.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re right.” Arthur shifted in his seat. “Well, I had better get on with this speech.” There was an awkward pause. “I honestly don’t know why you’re not writing it for me.”

“Last time you said I did a terrible job. I need to go wash these.” Merlin held up a basket of dirty clothes. “I’ll see you later then, yeah?” 

“Fine, fine, go.”

Merlin made a beeline for the door. As soon as he had left the room he leaned back against the wall and let out the breath he had been holding. There had been too many close calls in there. He would have to be more careful.  
\-----  
There was no denying it, Merlin had acted weird when Arthur brought up the dragon. Arthur supposed he had too. He brought up that thing about Merlin being his wife. But it was supposed to be a joke. 

It wasn’t really that funny of a joke, though, and it wasn’t even much of a joke to Arthur anyways. Ever since their trip, he had seen Merlin completely differently. No longer was Merlin the wimpy servant. He was now convinced that Merlin was strong and brave and incredibly loyal. He supposed this had always been true, but now it was plain for him to see. And he had been developing some sort of affection for the other man whether he wanted to admit it or not. And everything was only reinforced by what the dragon said.

That was absolute bullshit and Arthur knew it but he couldn’t help but hope. And maybe Merlin’s weird reaction meant he felt something too?

And all this was forgetting that Arthur was the prince, and Merlin was a servant. Of course nothing could ever happen.


End file.
